so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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