I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
