ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my liver is dry heaving
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
