Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You've changed since you got that strap on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
