Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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