I'm jealous of your bromance
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
