I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
