she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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