Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize