While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
