I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
