i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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