you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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