were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
