i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
