I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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