quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
