Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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