Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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