I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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