Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
