Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
