I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
