i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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