The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
