i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize