i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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