how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
