I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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