so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
