that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
