I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
