ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
