My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
