So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
