She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
