Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am available for nakedness
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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