did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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