from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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