he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
