I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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