Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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