you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
