This is not my ceiling
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
