one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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