i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize