last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Enjoy the penises
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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