he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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