I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
