i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
