ya dads aren't the best wingmen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
