I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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