I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
