I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
