I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
