Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
