i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
