? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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