FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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