Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Success! We fucked roommates!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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