This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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