you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
