I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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