Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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