She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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