So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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