I just cut my nipple shaving
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
